How do I tell my husband that I feel defensive?

How do I tell my husband that I feel defensive?

If you're additionally troubled by the "he gets defensive when I tell him how I feel," it's possible that you're dealing with an emotionally susceptible man. He's only employing his defensiveness as a coping technique for damaged sentiments. If this is the case, your best course of action would be to avoid arguments and conflicts whenever possible.

Otherwise, he might believe that you're trying to shut him out or cut him off from you. That could cause him to become even more aggressive when you try to communicate how you feel.

He needs to know that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but that there are things that need to change in order for you to feel safe and secure. If you can talk about it calmly without accusing him of being abusive, he should be able to understand.

If not, consider getting help from a local counseling center or hotline. Sometimes it helps to have someone else hear what you have to say.

In conclusion, tell him how you feel inside and see what happens.

Does he withdraw? Does he get angry? Does he try to justify himself? Only he knows the answer to that question, but whatever he does, just keep in mind that it's okay to feel protective of yourself at times.

Why does my husband get defensive?

Your spouse is probably being defensive because he believes you are blaming him for your feelings. You want him to solve things, but he has no idea how. He's got another tale in his brain about what it implies that you're feeling this way.

Spouses can be really good at reading their partners' bodies language. If your husband gets defensive when you question him about his behavior, then there is a good chance that he doesn't like you questioning him. This makes him feel responsible, and this is something you should never do. Spouses need to know they can trust their partners, so don't be surprised if your husband gets defensive if you ask him why he behaves the way he does.

If you want your husband to change certain behaviors, then you have two options: accept him as he is or fight for your relationship. If you choose to accept him as he is then you have no choice but to live with his negative traits. However, if you want him to change those traits, then you have to fight for your marriage. Only by fighting will you show him that you care enough about the problem to try and fix it.

Spouses come in three main types: actor, recipient, and mediator. An "actor" spouse acts upon his feelings by becoming angry or sad quickly. He may even shut down from his partner completely if she tries to talk to him about her feelings.

Why does my partner get defensive when I tell him how I feel?

Communication is essential for resolving a problem like this. Your partner's protective reaction might be the result of poor communication. Because of how things are portrayed, he may feel compelled to speak out and clear the air. If your spouse doesn't recognize he's being extremely defensive, you should try to talk to him about it. Explain that because of his reaction, you don't feel comfortable bringing up certain subjects in the relationship.

If he tries to justify his behavior by saying that you've been cold or that he needs space to think, you should point out that these reactions aren't helpful to your conversation. Tell him that you want him to know that you're open to discussing anything else besides the fact that you feel attacked.

Also mention that you don't want him to take your comments as a personal attack. Make sure that he understands that you're only trying to resolve the issue at hand. If necessary, use examples to make your point clear. For example, you can say that you don't want him to think that just because you bring up a subject that makes him feel attacked, even if that's not what you mean.

Finally, be patient. Even though communication is important in any relationship, it doesn't come naturally to everyone. You might have to practice making conversations out of simple questions and statements before your partner gets the message.

However, once you start communicating, you won't be able to stop.

What should I do if my boyfriend is defensive?

Relationships are about letting down your guard and revealing your weaknesses with someone. Something is wrong if he cannot accept your correction, confess a mistake, or listen to your feelings without making them exclusively about him. Defensive conduct should not be overlooked. Try talking to him about it. He may not know what you're referring to if you've never discussed it before.

Defensiveness is an indication that there is something wrong between you. If he can't let go of things from years ago, then he's not ready for a relationship right now. Change anything in your lifestyle that might be causing him pain.

If he's not willing to change, then he's not worth your time or energy. You've got better things to do with your life than deal with someone who doesn't want to grow up. Forget him and move on with your life.

How do I talk to my husband without him getting defensive?

Here are some suggestions for dealing with your partner's protective behavior:

  1. Talk about issues in a non-blaming way when you’re not upset.
  2. When you’re not in the middle of an argument, ask your partner how they would prefer to receive complaints.
  3. Understand the message you’re giving with your own body language.

How do you live with an insensitive husband?

  1. Uncover the Cause. Identify the reason behind your husband’s insensitive behavior by directly asking him why he is not more respectful of your feelings.
  2. Confront Insensitive Actions. Be assertive when your husband is acting insensitively.
  3. Take a Look at Yourself.

Why does my husband have a short temper?

I'm perplexed. My spouse has a short fuse and becomes enraged over little matters. When I attempt to be understanding and approach him with love and patience, the problem does not go away. When I eventually lose my cool and express my rage, he immediately calms down and apologizes.

But this doesn't mean the problem has been resolved. In fact, it's only made worse because now I've hurt his feelings and he's withdrawn from me even more than before.

My question is: Why does my husband have a short temper? What causes someone to lose their temper easily? Is there anything I can do to help my husband control his anger?

Since marriage is about sharing your life together, not just living separately but also experiencing joy and pain together, learning to get along and stay together in spite of your differences is important.

But some people are just born with a short fuse. They tend to take things personally when they shouldn't, which makes them look like they're being unreasonable when in fact they're just responding according to their own set of rules.

For example, if you say "I don't want to talk about this right now," he might take it as a personal attack against himself. Even if that's not what you meant, he'll assume the worst until you give him another option.

About Article Author

Maria Little

Maria Little is a psychologist who specializes in couples counseling, individual therapy, and family therapy. She has been practicing psychology for over ten years and helping people find the mental health care they need since she first graduated from college. Maria completed her doctoral degree at the prestigious University of Houston with top honors.

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