Tell them how sad you are that they were harmed and suffered. Tell him or her how amazing they are, how much you adore them, and how you will protect them from now on. Tell them that it is okay for them to experience all of their emotions. Make no attempt to rationalize or make explanations for how you feel. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone else, and you especially shouldn't have to explain yourself to your children.
Write about what they mean to you. Write down memories of times you had together. Write letters to them when you're apart. Create a safe place where they can come to be themselves without judgment or criticism.
Take time out for yourself. Spend some quality time with your family. Take a trip together if you've never been anywhere else but this is important too. Change your environment sometimes. Do something new together every now and then.
Spend time listening to them, watching them, being with them. Don't expect them to fill you up completely, because they can't.
Children need our love and attention, even if they are just playing a game or having a laugh. Give them your full attention whenever you can. Smile at them when you see them looking happy.
Remember, they see you as an adult, so act like one. Set an example by respecting them and caring for them.
You may write something along the lines of, "I realize you are in a lot of suffering right now, and I am deeply sorry if I have offended you. I hope you will be willing to meet with me to discuss it when you are ready. Please let me know when you'll be available. I adore and adore you."
Then, follow up with a phone call within a week or so (or sooner if he lets you know that you're allowed to contact him again). During your conversation, express your sorrow for what has happened and try to understand why he would act out like this. Ask for his thoughts on how you can fix the situation so this never happens again.
If you think about what caused this problem in the first place, you might be able to come up with some ideas about how to avoid similar issues in the future. For example, if your son is used to getting his way all the time and you don't give in very often, then he is going to grow up thinking that this is normal behavior and may even start expecting it from you!
It's also important to remember that while he may not want to talk to you at this point, that doesn't mean that he hates you or believes you to be evil. It's just the opposite: he feels terrible about what has happened and wants to make sure that you still love him even though this problem means they can't be together as friends.
What Should You Say to Someone Who Has Just Lost a Child?
Express your sympathy. Start the letter with the grieving person's first name if you know them well, or put "Dear" before their name if your relationship is more distant, or you don't know them at all. "Hi" is too casual. Then get right into the reason you're writing. Tell him or her what you learned about his or her parent and why that matters.
Give sincere praise when it is deserved. People love to hear they were good in life. Even if you don't know the person well, it's easy to see when he or she was born again. So take time to tell them how they've changed for the better since their parent died. Explain how you think they might be feeling now and give advice on how to deal with those feelings.
Ask questions. People like to talk about themselves, so ask open-ended questions such as "What did your father mean to you?" "What would you change about the way he raised you?" "Did you get along all the time? Sometimes people have different ways of showing love," such as by hitting you or giving you money instead. Listen carefully; people rarely say something and then stop talking.
Give practical help.
How to format the letter
Here are five things you can do to help your child feel emotionally safe:
Incorporating "I" statements, which focus on your feelings rather than what the other person did, might improve your chances of reaching an agreement with your sister. Instead of saying, "You're usually a jerk about my girlfriend," you may say, "I was wounded when you indicated I could do better than Jill." You can then go on to explain how this incident affected you and ask for forgiveness.
Writing letters can be a powerful tool for resolving conflicts. It's easy to get caught up in feeling resentful or angry after a quarrel with our siblings, but writing about it helps us see things more objectively and is effective in helping us come to terms with our issues. Letter writing can help heal old wounds and break down barriers between siblings too.
The key to successful letter writing is to keep things positive. Don't dwell on the negative aspects of the relationship and try not to mention anything that may cause you pain now, such as the fact that your brother or sister lives far away. Focus on the good times you had together and what you want to achieve moving forward.
Start by making a list of all the important people in your life. Write down names and notes about each one. This will help you stay focused on what needs to be said in your letter.
Then, pick a time when you'll have enough time to write a complete letter.
I wish I knew what to say. Just know that I care.