While friends and relatives may advise seeking closure by finding meaning in the break-up, research suggests that actively seeking meaning and writing about it in situations such as marital separation is not only unproductive, but can actually aggravate and prolong emotional pain. Seeking meaning in marriage breakup involves looking back on the relationship with a critical eye and trying to find lessons or morals to be learned, which many people feel obliged to do. However, this exercise often has the opposite effect of making things seem more broken than they already are, which can lead to more tension between partners afterwards.
People sometimes use marriage as a way to justify staying in an unhappy relationship for economic reasons or because they believe it's important to keep family ties strong. But considering that marriages take place in the context of other relationships (between spouses and parents, siblings, friends), some people have argued that marrying someone without knowing their DNA pattern is a bad idea because you might get stuck with them forever.
In fact, scientific evidence shows that marriage is beneficial to your health. A study conducted at Harvard Medical School found that married people live longer than those who are single. Another study showed that married men have lower rates of heart disease and cancer than unmarried men. Married women have lower rates of depression and anxiety than women who are single. The list goes on and on.
It is human nature to want closure or conclusion in any given scenario. We want things to make sense and we seek answers for things we don't understand. We may find it difficult to go ahead if we do not receive the sort of closure we desire. This occurs in many relationships, particularly after a breakup. In order to move on, you need to understand what caused the split so that you can avoid these issues in future relationships.
We also need closure in our lives. If a situation remains unresolved, it can cause us stress which can lead to other problems. For example, if a friend or family member is still acting up years later, it's because they weren't resolved during the initial interaction. Having closure allows us to move on with our lives and not be haunted by the past.
Finally, closure provides comfort. If you have not resolved an issue within yourself or your relationship, then you will always wonder if it was just you or if it was also happening to your partner. When you don't get this kind of resolution, you are left feeling confused and uncomfortable, which leads to more problems.
So, closure is necessary after a breakup in order to move on with your life and not be distracted by the issues of the past. It also helps if you understand the reason behind the breakup so you know what not to do again in future relationships.
Denying an ex closure when you split up is not only unhealthy, but also harmful and destructive. When you've had an opportunity to say goodbye, healing comes faster and easier. If you don't have any closure in your relationships, see How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure. It is tough to achieve relationship closure because... well, relationships aren't designed to be closed off. They're supposed to be open ended.
If you truly want to heal from an ex, you need to let them go. You can't expect them to get out of your life when you haven't taken the time to release them. Think about it, if you keep someone inside you who's not happy with their life, then they'll never feel safe or comfortable enough to change or grow. This is not a healthy situation for anyone involved. So do yourself and those around you a favor and release them from your heart.
You may think that keeping someone inside you will make you feel better about yourself. But that's not true at all! Holding on to the past only hurts you in the end. The more you deny your exes, the more they'll continue to have power over you. Then one day you'll wake up and realize that they're still in your life, and you didn't release them after all. If this sounds like you, now is a good time to start letting them go.