In theory, opting to contact an old flame opens the door to a plethora of enticing good experiences. For instance, closure and emotional absolution, sentiments of guilt, and so forth. I genuinely want to know how someone you formerly cared about is faring in life. There could be any number of reasons why they aren't doing well, and knowing this information might help them.
However, in practice, these kinds of contacts are rarely a good idea. The main reason for this is that you don't know what kind of life they are living now, and whether or not they would like to hear from you. If they don't, then there's no need for you to force the issue.
The other reason why these sorts of contacts are rare is because you're likely to get burned. When you let go of something hard, it usually takes more than just yourself to do so. You'll most likely have feelings of regret which may last for years. If you decide to contact this person, then you'll be putting them through the same process of closure that you went through after breaking up with them. This means that even if they say they still care about you, you can never be sure unless you ask them directly.
In conclusion, deciding to contact an old flame is a big deal because it requires you to let go of something very precious.
Three Communication Strategies for Reconnecting with an Old Flame
But that is frequently the case. When old flames rekindle, they reconnect instantaneously and forcefully, and the situation quickly becomes out of control. Of course, rekindling old fires is nothing new. However, the common tale used to be of high school sweethearts, sometimes widowed or divorced, reuniting after decades apart.
According to Kalish's research, the most typical cause of the desire for a reunion is a vivid dream about an old sweetheart. Such dreams are frequently interpreted by her patients as a hint that they should contact their first love, but Kalish believes they speak to the potency of those memories.
Any negative memories are often erased by "goodwill." Most people who want to reunite with an old "boy or girlfriend" with whom they have lost contact are serious and motivated by real reasons. In most circumstances, an old flame contacts you because they want to restore at least a friendship and keep it that way. If you've changed too much or there's a new person in their life, then they will usually state this fact clearly before they move on.
The reason guys get in touch with old flames is exactly the same as why women do - we all need closure. Sometimes relationships didn't work out for any number of reasons, but mostly it's because we were not ready for marriage yet. We needed time to grow up, go to school, find jobs, learn how to be adults.
When these things are complete, we can look back on our lives and think: "Yeah, that wasn't so bad." Then we move on with our lives. There are no hard feelings; we're just not that kind of person. It's difficult for some people to understand this concept, but it's very common for young people to lose interest in each other when they separate from one another for a period of time.
Sometimes they meet again years later when they both happen to be living in the same city or state. More rarely, someone might even contact you after many years if something significant has happened to them since they last saw you.
She believes that past fires frequently revive because we are physically and chemically imprinted when we meet our first love. It usually takes place while we are young and impressionable. "We've discovered that once those emotional memories begin, those sentiments are strong and resilient," Kalish adds. "Old feelings of loss can lead us to want to reconnect with someone we last saw when we were happy."
The reason why old flames get in contact again has much to do with human nature. Sometimes we change so much that the person we used to be doesn't match who we are now. They may not remember everything about you but they might need you or something like you needs them.
Other times we change so little that there's no point in avoiding them. Maybe they saw some new person in your life and want to know how that's going. Perhaps you helped them out when they needed it and they're returning the favor. There are many reasons why old flames get in touch and most of them are good ones.
If you want to reignite an old flame, the first step is to make sure you're sincerely committed to rekindling your relationship with this individual. Rekindling an old flame may often bring back sentiments and emotions that you haven't felt since the two of you were together, both good and terrible. This isn't something that you want to do blindly; if you're not sure about wanting to continue with the relationship, then don't force yourself into it.
In order to reconnect with an old flame, you will need to determine what has changed in their life that would prevent you from seeing them now. If they no longer live near you or won't allow themselves to be seen, then the answer is simple: You cannot reconnect with an old flame.
However, if there are things that you need to work on before you can be together again, such as trust issues or feeling like you don't have a partner anymore, then reconnecting with an old flame is a great idea. Even if you weren't able to repair those problems before, you can start by resolving to never let someone hurt you again. With time, love and effort, any relationship can be saved.