To Go or Not to Go? Attend the Funeral If you have maintained touch with your ex's family and are on good terms, then go ahead and go. You are no longer a family member because your relationship with the dead terminated, thus you should not expect to sit with the family.
If you do decide to go, it is recommended that you stay for only a few hours so as not to interrupt their grieving process. However, if you would like to be more supportive, then going for longer is acceptable.
The funeral home will let you know what time they will be releasing the body so be sure to arrive in time. If you miss the release time, then you will need to wait until the next day to pay your last respects.
If you feel uncomfortable going to the service, then it is okay to ask someone else to go in your place. There are often friends or family members who don't want to show up but still want to support the person who died. These people usually get a pass out from those who went to the service.
People come from all over the world to see how we manage our dead. In Europe, when someone dies, they put them on display in cemeteries as a way of showing respect.
In general, if you get along with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should go to the funeral. You used to be a large part of your spouse's life. If you're on good terms, you'll most likely be invited to any funeral service. However, there are times when your presence is not required. If you were divorced or separated, then only the deceased's family members are at the service.
If you were never married to your ex, nor have any children together, then you would not be expected to attend their funeral. Even if you had been married to your ex, but now live separately, you would not be invited to their service. It is only those people who were actually involved in your ex's life while they were alive that will attend the service. Any other friends or family members who knew your ex well enough to want to see them after they died will come to the cemetery instead.
The only time it might make sense for an ex-wife to go to her ex-husband's funeral is if they were ever married. In this case, she would be attending what is known as a "mutual friend" service. This would be someone who was both your ex-wife and ex-husband's friend. If so, she would attend this service instead of going to her own memorial ceremony or sitting at home alone.
Funerals are important events in anyone's life.
Even though you've parted ways, those memories and sentiments are still very much alive.
However, not all families are friendly or close with their former in-laws. Some people feel like they have no business being at their spouse's funeral because they had nothing to do with their death. This is a personal choice that only you can make. If you think it would hurt your relationships with them or your children, then don't go. However, if you really want to say goodbye to your ex-spouse, this is an opportunity you shouldn't miss.
The situation is different if you have children. Most likely, they will be invited to the funeral by the parent who raised them. But again, this is up to you. If you feel uncomfortable sending your kids to something they may perceive as a negative experience, then don't send them to the funeral.
Finally, remember that this is your time to mourn your loss and honor his memory. If you go alone, feeling sad and lost, then that's what will happen for everyone else too. So if you really want to say goodbye, send out invitations to friends and family, have some drinks or snacks ready for guests, and wear something nice.
If you and your ex have children, you have many alternatives for attending your ex's funeral: Attend the funeral apart from your children, who are old enough to sit with your ex's family while you remain in the background to draw attention away from your presence. You could also choose not to attend your ex's funeral.
The decision to go to or not to go to an ex's funeral is up to you. If you do go, it's best to be respectful of those who did not get along with your ex by staying out of the way so they don't feel uncomfortable around you. Sometimes seeing the person who hurt you in life after they've died is more painful than when they were alive.
Children of divorced or separated parents often ask me whether they should go to their parent's wedding or funeral. In most cases, no; why would you want to subject yourself to that kind of pain? However, if you have a good relationship with your ex's new partner or spouse and they agree that you can go, then by all means take them up on their offer!
If you had a nice connection with your father-in-law, attending his burial feels acceptable. If there is no animosity between you and your ex-husband or his family that would generate a commotion or upset anyone, they would most likely appreciate your expressing your respect.
The only person who should make it difficult for you to attend is your ex-husband if he has not resolved his issues with you. If this is the case, try to let him know that you will be making your way down to Florida soon and that you would love to pay your last respects before he gets buried.
It is entirely up to you if you want to go to his funeral. In fact, some people think it is inappropriate to attend any form of mourning event without being present for at least part of it. However, if you have stayed on good terms with your ex-husband's family after your divorce, then this is an opportunity for them to show their appreciation for your past actions. This is also a chance for you to see what type of relationship they have managed to work out since your separation. If this is the case, then by all means, go ahead and attend.