Over-giving is another symptom of codependency. As a result, we offer too much in order to earn praise and attention, which gives us a sense of worth. But it's unfounded esteem that comes from without, not from inside. It can't fill the void within.
The more we give, the more we feel like we deserve. And the more we believe others' opinions of us, rather than our own perception. We let them push us around, take advantage of us, and treat us like objects instead of souls.
It's time we told society what they really think of charity: that it is delusional generosity that leads only to exhaustion. That it is an addiction that destroys love and joy. That it is a religion that promotes fear and guilt.
Charity is an illusion that keeps us disconnected from reality and from one another. It is a belief system that does not work in the real world. Charity cannot heal people -- only love can do that. Only truth can set us free.
The problem arises when being a giver places you in a one-sided relationship. "Feeling like you're providing more than your spouse is a pretty unpleasant condition that can absolutely strain on a relationship," says relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW. Giving without receiving equal value creates imbalance that can cause problems between partners.
When you give away your time, energy, or resources without expecting anything in return, you are being a donor. There are many types of donors including volunteers, workers for charitable organizations, people who donate organs and tissues after death. Being a donor can be an amazing experience that brings happiness to others but it can also put you in difficult situations if you aren't careful.
Donating your time, energy, or resources to someone else does not guarantee that you will receive something in return. Sometimes donors do not get thanked, recognized, or compensated for their generosity which can make them feel unappreciated and unhappy with the situation. If you want to keep yourself content and happy in your relationship, then it's important to receive something too. Otherwise, you might be forced to keep giving until you die.
If you are the only one who is expected to give, then you are in a very unbalanced relationship. You are always expected to give more than you receive in return which doesn't leave much room for happiness and contentment inside the relationship.
Scientists also believe that altruistic activity causes endorphins to be released in the brain, resulting in the good sensation known as the "helper's high." Giving is beneficial to our health. A large body of studies has connected various types of generosity to improved health, even among the sick and old. Being kind and helping others promotes physical and mental wellness.
The act of giving itself can have many benefits. It can help relieve stress and anxiety, which can in turn lead to a healthier life overall. Feeling useful also helps motivate people to continue with their healthy behaviors. Volunteering also gives us a chance to connect with others, build relationships, and share our experiences, which all help make us feel better about ourselves and our lives.
Being generous also makes us feel good because it's an easy way for us to show love and support. We want to give something back after seeing how much benefit we've received from others. That sense of gratitude makes us feel loved and cared for, which leads us to want to give more.
Finally, being generous allows us to fulfill some of our basic human needs: hunger, thirst, safety, love, and hope. When we give things away, we keep what we don't need and allow others to do the same. This makes room for new things into our lives; sometimes we need to let go of what we're holding on to in order to make space for something new.