As long as our internal environment is only a reflection of our outward world, we will always be held hostage by forces beyond our control. Every day, you and I are confronted with scenarios, circumstances, events, challenges, and discussions that will demand a response from us (one way or the other).
The question is: Will we allow these situations to drive us insane or do we have the wisdom to know when to hold back? The answer is clearly revealed in our actions. If we carry the burden of stress and anxiety around with us all the time, then we are diseased souls who need help. But if we can learn to control our reactions, even to certain people, things, or situations, then we are truly mature individuals who are able to deal with the world around us.
In order for us to realize how we react to situations, we must first understand what causes us to react in the first place. What are the factors that trigger your anger? Is it something that person does, says, or doesn't say? Or is it something more serious like injustice, discrimination, or poverty? The list is long and varied, but whatever the case may be, one thing remains constant: All these factors are outside of your control.
The best you can do is try to avoid getting angry in the first place. Avoid arguments, don't take things personally, and above all, keep your emotions under control.
And, while it is difficult to control our ideas and emotions, it is achievable. Of course, our ability to navigate various emotional states is determined by the feelings themselves. For example, dealing with disappointment is far simpler than dealing with sadness over the loss of a loved one. However, even through extreme emotions such as these, it is still possible to make decisions about what to do next.
The most effective way to control our emotions is by understanding their nature. Emotions are natural responses to events or situations that are perceived as threats or opportunities. Therefore, if we know how to understand the causes of these events or situations, then we can better deal with them when they arise. For example, if you find out that someone you care about is going to die, you will feel sad. But, if you also learn why they are sick, perhaps with a treatable condition, you may be able to cope more effectively with your grief.
Additionally, some things are beyond our control. For example, if someone is seriously injured in a car accident, they may suffer long-term effects because of this unresolved trauma. Understanding this fact allows us to have more realistic expectations of ourselves and others.
Finally, if we believe that thinking about a problem will help us come up with a solution, then we should try to think about it as much as possible.
The reality is that it may have an impact on all of your interactions with the people in your life as well as the groups with whom you interact. If you frequently respond defensively to others, you may wind up in a divorce or in a relationship that is becoming unhealthier by the day.
Defensiveness is a natural human reaction to feeling threatened or insecure. When this behavior is used inappropriately, it can cause problems for those who exhibit it as well as for those who are trying to help them.
There are two types of defensiveness: passive and active. Passive defensiveness involves hiding negative feelings about oneself or one's situation by appearing confident or even arrogant. One example of this would be someone who denies having a problem when confronted with evidence that they do. Active defense consists of expressing negative feelings about another person or incident. This could include insulting someone back or arguing vehemently with someone who disagrees with you.
People use defense mechanisms to deal with the uncomfortable emotions that are generated by relationships. For example, if you feel jealous when your friend talks about their new boyfriend or girlfriend, you might pretend not to care or tell yourself it isn't real love. These are examples of active defenses used to cope with jealousy. On the other hand, if you believe there is no way you could ever be in love again after losing someone you loved, then you would be using a passive defense mechanism.
Humans have an innate yearning for certainty and control. That is, the more in control we feel, the more effective we feel in getting the outcomes we seek, and this sense of competence improves our well-being. Influence also feels nice since it lets us believe that we are not under the control of someone else. The need for influence and control arises because humanity has been subject to many disasters at the hand of others, and as a result, humans now avoid these situations if they can.
People try to exert influence over others to get what they want, or to show their status. They may use threats or promises to do so. It is also common for people to try to influence others by using shame or guilt. For example, someone might use shame to force another person to do something (such as go along with their ideas), or guilt to make themselves feel better about something that they have done.
The most effective ways of influencing others is probably through respect and love. This means showing others how much you care about them by acknowledging their strengths and weaknesses, and demonstrating loyalty and faith in them.
The least effective way of influencing others is probably through fear. This works by making others afraid of what might happen if they don't do what you want them to do. For example, someone could threaten to tell your boss if you don't follow their suggestions, or promise to help them out if they give them access to certain information.