A dominating spouse, wife, partner, or friend may strive to preserve plausible deniability in order to deceive you into thinking they aren't mistreating you. Giving or requesting more attention than normal, threatening you with ultimatums are some of the more subtle symptoms of dominance. When things don't go your way, you're put down. Called names. Put down physically. Thrown out. Kicked out. All too often, victims allow these behaviors to continue because they fear their partners will stop loving them if they complain.
The controlling person tries to make sure that they're not seen as the problem by shifting responsibility for the conflict onto you. If you try to leave, they'll sometimes say they were just kidding around. Or they'll claim that you brought up certain subjects that weren't really problems before (which is usually true). They may even threaten to hurt themselves or someone else to keep you from leaving.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is being controlled, take action now. Contact a local support group. Find a counselor who specializes in relationship issues. Don't suffer in silence - there are options available that can help.
8 Signs That Your Husband Is Abusive
You may believe that your wife isn't overly controlling, but you might be mistaken. One of the most popular myths regarding a controlling spouse is that berating the other partner, physical hostility, or repeated threats or ultimatums are all signs of a dominating husband.
Are you attempting to repair your marriage after your spouse has told you that you are always controlling? How can you save a marriage when one spouse has left because of your domineering behavior? Hold on, and we'll get to the bottom of it.
Important points A person who is in command of their life is not necessarily openly frightening or hostile. They might be emotionally manipulative and act insecurely at times. In a relationship, controlling strategies include disguised threats, insulting or taunting, and utilizing guilt as a weapon for persuasion. Controlling people like to think of themselves as fair but are actually very unfair. They make demands and refuse to accept responsibility for their part in any argument or disagreement.
How do you know if someone is controlling? Look for these signs:
They expect you to always know what they want even if it's not communicated clearly. For example, they might get angry when you ask them what kind of cake they want for their birthday party even though they've never said anything about it. Or they may constantly change the subject whenever you talk about what you want out of life.
They're often jealous of other people's success or attractive qualities and will do whatever it takes to stop you from getting close to others. For example, if you start dating someone new, your control-loser might try to break up with you by saying things like "I don't want to hurt your feelings" or "It's not you, it's me."
They have little regard for your own opinions.
Anyone in your life can exhibit controlling behavior. It may be your boss, a member of your family, a friend, or even your spouse. Controlling individuals may be found everywhere. We hear a lot about domineering wives and dominating couples. There are also controlling husbands and parents. No matter what role they play, those who exercise control over others feel powerful and important.
Controlling people seek to make others comply with their wishes. They often use guilt to achieve this goal. Sometimes they just ignore things that don't fit into their plan.
If you're being controlled by someone, try to understand where they're coming from. It might not be what you think. At first, you may want to rebel against them. However, if you do, they will only become more aggressive toward you. Instead, focus on what you want and work together with your controller to get it.
They may seem like authority figures, but in reality, controlling people are insecure. They need you to comply with their wishes in order to feel safe. This is why they go to such lengths to ensure that you do as you're told. If they realized you were an independent person who didn't need them, they would have no power over you.
Controlling people may appear strong, but they are actually weak.
When a husband is controlling, he tries to isolate you so that you don't have a support network outside of him. As a result, he has the most influence and power over what you do and think. He achieves this by gradually withdrawing you from your family and friends. He may also threaten to hurt you or kill yourself if you try to leave him.
Controlling husbands may use guilt to keep their wives obedient. They may say things like "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't do these things" or "You should be happy with what I give you because I need money for myself." This creates tension between you and them, which they want to resolve in their favor. So they do things like not pay you back when you lend them money, even though it hurts them financially.
They may also use fear to control you. If you talk about wanting to leave them, they will say things like "I'll stop paying attention to you" or "I'll hit you next time you cross me." This makes you feel scared to go against them.
Finally, they may use authority to make you feel powerless. If you ask them something directly, they will usually answer you, but if you don't get what you want right away, they will start using arguments to convince you that what they are doing is correct.