A person with an avoidant attachment style may experience the following as an adult: In partnerships, avoid emotional connection. When they merely want to be emotionally closer to their spouses, they may perceive them to be clinging. Withdrawing and dealing with terrible events on one's own, for example, by binge-watching TV series.
Avoidant attachment in adults is based on not wanting to feel pain or disappointment, which can lead to not taking risks or making commitments. It can also mean that someone with this style will often try to control situations that they think might make them feel uncomfortable or unable to cope.
Avoidance in adulthood looks similar to avoidance during childhood. An adult who avoided relationships as a child might still do so as an adult. If the adult was not successful in finding a relationship that worked for him- or herself, then it is likely that they would go through life never feeling completely comfortable being alone.
The main difference between adult avoiders and children is that adults can decide what role they want to play in relationships. They can decide whether or not they want to connect with other people.
People who were avoidant children may grow up to be avoidant adults. If this describes you or your loved ones, it is important to remember that growth doesn't stop at any particular age. You can always change your attachment style if you are willing to take some risks.
Adults with an avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment style are diametrically opposed to those who are ambivalent or anxiously obsessed. Instead of desiring intimacy, they are so afraid of contact that they shun emotional connection with others. They'd prefer not rely on others or be reliant on others.
They may appear cold or aloof to others because they are actually feeling sensitive about their lack of security. They might also seem like they do not care about others because they are actually trying very hard to show concern. Avoidant individuals will go to great lengths to keep others at a distance for fear of getting hurt or disappointed.
Avoidance is a defense mechanism used to protect the individual from pain or discomfort. They may also use avoidance as a way to escape from feelings of anxiety or insecurity related to attachment relationships.
Attachment theory explains why some people choose to avoid emotional involvement and connection with others. It also explains how this behavior affects romantic relationships and parenting practices.
Secure attachments are characterized by comfort, confidence, and consistency. Children who experience secure attachments learn what relationships require of them and what they should expect in return. They also learn that even when someone else hurts them, it is not the end of the world because they are not alone in this world and have many other safe and trustworthy people who will help them if they need it.
Avoidant attachment personalities are very autonomous, self-directed, and frequently uncomfortable with closeness. They're commitment apologists who can rationalize their way out of any personal circumstance. When individuals try to come near to them, they frequently complain about feeling "packed" or "suffocated." Avoidant people usually have many friends but rarely get involved with anyone deeply.
Their behavior is intended to avoid pain, but it also creates distance between themselves and others. Avoidant people spend most of their time alone because they are not comfortable being around others. Even when they do decide to date, they often find it difficult to connect with other people emotionally.
Avoidant people don't want to feel vulnerable or exposed. They prefer to be left alone rather than deal with the possibility that someone might hurt them. Therefore, they tend to avoid situations where they might have to depend on others for support.
Avoidance is a natural reaction to fear and anxiety. However, if an avoidant person doesn't resolve their fears and anxieties, they will continue to use avoidance as a coping mechanism. Over time, this behavior becomes their primary relationship style.
And for other attachment types who are in a relationship with an avoidant type, it all comes down to being consistent while being flexible, and assisting these persons in overcoming their fears and doubts. Avoidant people can discover love and connection, especially if they have a partner who knows what they require. However, this kind of relationship would be very different from how others perceive it. The avoidant person would not share their feelings or needs and would rather keep them to themselves. This type of attachment is called an insecure attachment because it does not provide the sense of safety and stability we get from knowing where we stand with regard to our partners.
People with anxious or secure attachments will share their feelings with those they love. They might not show it right away, but they are looking forward to becoming closer over time by doing things together. Avoidant individuals on the other hand, tend to keep their distance because of their fears. They might appear confident at first glance but inside they are feeling unsure about whether or not they will be accepted after revealing their true self.
Avoidant personalities don't feel comfortable showing their emotions directly so they might give indications that they like you by doing certain things. For example, an avoidant person might make sure you have everything you need even if you didn't ask for it. Or they might constantly check up on you to make sure you're still there for them. These actions are ways for them to let you know that they care without exposing themselves.
Attachment types and their impact on adult relationships Those with insecure attachment styles, on the other hand, may become needy or clinging in their closest relationships, act selfishly or manipulatively when they are vulnerable, or just avoid connection entirely. Insecure attachments can also cause problems in long-term relationships if one of the partners is likely to be disappointed when their needs aren't met and go looking for more stable forms of love.
When people struggle with feelings of inadequacy or failure within themselves or their parents, it can lead to developing an insecure attachment style. This might manifest itself in someone who becomes dependent upon a partner or lover to feel safe or secure enough not to feel anxious or afraid all the time.
People with insecure attachment styles are at risk of being involved with or marrying partners who are unlikely to be there for them over time. They might stay in these relationships for financial reasons or because they don't know any better, but this lack of awareness leads to them missing out on possible alternatives that would have left them feeling safer and more secure.