They are a method of buying time and delaying or dragging your feet on important issues. Excuses hurt more than the truth in relationships. It's paradoxical that the very justifications used to protect individuals frequently hurt more than the reality itself and become the main focus of many breakups. The excuse maker relies on vague explanations and avoids confrontation for the momentary peace they provide.
The need to make excuses in relationships is a sign that you're not being honest with yourself or someone else. If you have to explain your lack of participation in a relationship, then there is something wrong with it. An excuse is used to mask the true reason for something undesirable. For example, if you want to avoid going back to work after a vacation, but still feel like making an excuse, you could say that you were too busy enjoying yourself to worry about writing reports. Or if someone asks you why you've been ignoring them, you can say that you needed time to think about what you wanted to say.
People make excuses in relationships for various reasons. Sometimes they do it out of fear of the unknown, while others simply want to preserve the status quo. There may be issues between partners that need to be discussed but which cannot be put into words. In all cases, however, making an excuse means that you are trying to hide the truth or avoid dealing with it head-on. This can only lead to problems in the long run.
What a Guy's Excuses Actually Mean If he makes excuses for why he can't be in a relationship, it basically implies he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That may sound harsh, but if I told you nice-sounding lies, you'd be in the same predicament in a few weeks, months, or years. There are three types of excuses: rationalizations, reasons, and proofs.
Rationalizations are explanations that make sense on their own terms, but not others. For example, a guy might say, "I don't want to get married because my parents were divorced." While this explanation sounds reasonable, it's actually an excuse used to hide another reason - perhaps he doesn't think marriage is for him. Rationalization often involves denying or avoiding personal responsibility.
Reasons are justifications for what he's doing or not doing. They're statements that explain why something is happening or isn't happening. Reasons can be good or bad - they just try to explain something that has occurred or not occurred.
"We create excuses for our spouse for a multitude of reasons," says Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP, relationship coach. Perhaps a split would be uncomfortable for your current situation. Maybe you're just madly in love and can't imagine your life with anybody else. Perhaps it's a dread of being alone again. Whatever the reason, making an excuse for your partner is not a good thing to do.
Making an excuse means that you believe there is a good reason why something has happened, but at the same time you don't think this event should have any effect on your relationship. For example, if you think your partner should not spend so much time with their friends and still be able to spend time with you, then you are making an excuse for them.
People make excuses for their partners because they want to feel better about the situation. If you want to know what to do next time your partner makes an excuse, then stop making excuses for them! It doesn't matter how long your partner has been doing this, it doesn't mean that they don't care about you, and it sure as hell isn't going to help fix anything.
The only person who can end an excuse is the one who starts it. So stop making excuses for your partner and let them make their own decisions. You'll both be happier this way.